A Harry Potter Christmas Carol!
by Jade Snape-Holloway
Summary: Snape hates Christmas, he always has. But will a vist from 3 certain ghosts help give him the Christmas spirit? Read and find out!
1. Chapter 1

A HARRY POTTR CHRISTMAS CAROL!!!!

A/N: Tis the season to parody awesome books! Alright, it's always the season for that. Anyway, can't remember what inspired this little bit of nonsense, but-OH YEAH! It was a scene form the Muppet Christmas Carol! Now I remember! Right, so, please review! and remember, bad reviews are pointless and make you look like a jerk! )

CHAPTER 1: THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST (that one came first, right?).

Severus broodingly walked through the great hall, occasionally cursing a first year. It was Christmas eve and, since he was such a depressing character, he hated Christmas. Easter, too, but that was because of a terrifying incident with bunnies and multi-colored eggs.  
He sat down at his seat at the staff table, glaring at everyone in the room, except Dumbledore. Dumbledore was alright.  
"Now, now, Severus! Can't you be cheerful for just once? It's Christmas, for goodness sake!" Dumbledore said.  
"Bah humbug." Snape muttered.  
"Oh, Severus. You should try to enjoy the holidays! I for one am going to this nice little island in the south pacific to get away form this horrible school! I-I mean.. wonderful school! I don't hate the idiot students, either!" Dumbledore said quickly.  
"Well, I do. I hate this blasted holiday, with all the pretty lights, presents, good food, and cheerfulness! And not to mention those bloody bell ringers, begging for my hard earned money! Bah humbug!" Snape said, standing up.  
"Wait, Severus. I don't remember anything about paying you for this job." Dumbledore said.  
Snape got up and stormed out of the great hall, only to be stopped by some little kid.  
"Please, sir. Can you spare some change?" The kid asked.  
"Who the hell are you?!" Snape demanded.  
"I'm Tiny Tim, you dummy! Now hand over the change!" Tiny Tim demanded.  
Snape pushed the kid out of the way, wondering if he had almost been mugged by Tiny Tim.  
:) :) :)

That night Snape was sitting in front of the fire in his room, brooding like always.  
God, he hated Christmas! Why did everyone have to have his money?! Apparently, he didn't even get paid, so he had no money anyway.  
At 11:00, he went to bed, but couldn't sleep. Soon he realized that it was because someone was standing in the door way of the bed room, slowly saying "Severuuussss Ssssnnnnape.."  
Out of habit, he sat up, pointed his wand at the person, and said "Avada Kedavara!"  
"Hey, you jack a$$! What the hell was that?!" The voice demanded, floating into the room.  
Snape squinted at the thing. "Vo-Voldemort?" He asked. The thing looked like Voldemort, all except for the fact that he was wearing a purple wig, sun glasses, and an obviously fake mustache.  
"What? No, no, I am the Ghost of Christmas Past." The ghost waved his arms in the air for effect, and in doing so, his wig fell off.  
He gasped and dove under Snape's bed.  
"I know that's you, ex-master." Snape said.  
"No it's not!" Came the muffled voice from under the bed.  
Snape got out of bed and looked down. Voldemort was there, hiding.  
Snape dragged him out and pulled off the fake mustache.  
"Why are you here?" He demanded.  
"Alright, alright, you got me! I'm really the ghost of Voldemort." Voldemort said.  
"Then what are you doing in my room?" Snape asked the ghost. "And why are you dead?"  
"Funny story, actually. See, I died." Voldemort said.  
"And?"  
"That's it. Guess it's not funny. Anyway, since it's Chrismas and all, all of us ghost decided you could use a good lesson in Christmas spirit, so we're going to kill you." Voldemort told him.  
"WHAT?!?!"  
"HAHAHAH! Just kidding, buddy! I do that to all the guys I haunt! It kills me every time. No, what I'm really going to do is take you on a journey back in time, to see all the Christmases past as you were a kid." Voldemort said, wiping his eyes.  
"What good will that do?" Snape asked.  
"I don't know, I just do what the boss man tells me to do. Well, lets go before the other ghosts get here!" Voldemort said brightly, jumping off Snape's bed.  
"What other ghosts?!" Snape cried.  
" The other ghosts." Voldemort said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Before Snape could ask any more questions, Voldemort grabbed Snape's arm and the room began to disappear.  
:) :) :)

When Snape opened his eyes, he was standing inside a dingy little house. To one side of the room there was a tiny, sad, Christmas tree. He recognized where they were: It was Snape's old house. And there was little Snape, sitting on the couch.  
"What the hell.." Now day Snape asked.  
"This is your house, 6 days before Christmas, when you were just a little kid. This is supposed to show you what Christmas was like when you were a kid." Voldemort told him. "Now shut it and watch."  
"And what do you want for Christmas, Sevvei?" Snape's mom asked him.  
"I want the (insert name of old day popular broom)! it's so awesome!" Young Snape said.  
"Hmmm, no, you'll shoot your eye out." His mom said.  
"What?! How?" Young demanded.  
"Don't argue with me, Severus. You'll shoot your eye out, end of story!" his mom said.  
Now day Snape shook his head sadly. "All I wanted was that broom. But of course I didn't get it. Stupid Christmas!"  
"Really? What did you get?" Voldemort asked.  
"A rock."  
"Well, this is obviously the wrong memory. Lets look at something else." Voldemort snapped his fingers and the room melted away, only to be replaced by another room. This time it was Hogwarts when Snape was 14.  
"God, I can tell you right now this isn't going to be good." Snape said, leaning back on a desk (they were in a classroom).  
"No, no. I have a feeling this is the right one." Voldemort said.  
Snape looked around the room. He could see James harassing Lily and Sirius harassing everyone.  
"Hey, Snivly! I suppose your not going back home for Christmas?" James called.  
"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm not." Snape said.  
"That's cuz no one wants you!" James burst out laughing.  
Then, Severus attacked him.  
"Wow, for such a skinny little dude your sure beating the crap out of him!" Voldemort said, watching Sev and James beating each other. "See? This was on Christmas eve. Good things do happen on Christmas!"  
"Actually, he broke my arm and I ended up spending Christmas in detention with him, which made him really mad, so he made my life even more miserable." Snape said kicking James even though it made no deference.  
"OK, that's it! I'm the freakin' dark lord and I have more Christmas spirit then you do! Now you come with me!" Voldemort grabbed his arm and once again, the room melted and was replaced with some where else.  
This time it was his own, current bed room.  
"Huh, I was trying to take you back to your best Christmas memory, but it looks like this is it!" Voldemort slapped him on the back. "I'm flattered! Anyway, I got to go. The ghost of Christmas present will be along shortly! Byyyyye, Sevvvverussssss!" And Voldemort slowly backed out of his room.  
Snape was left staring off into the darkness, wondering what would come next.

END OF CHAPTER 1.

END NOTES: Well, how fun! If you give me good reviews, I'll update!


	2. Chapter 2: Christmas Present

A HARRY POTTER CHRISTMAS CAROL!

CHAPTER 2: THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT (or whatever it was).

Severus had just got back to sleep. Suddenly, he woke up. A guy he recognized all too well was leaning over his bed.  
"What the hell are you doing here, Sirius?" He demanded, sitting up.  
"I'm not Sirius anymore. I'm the ghost of Christmas Present." Sirius said.  
"Oh yeah. The Ghost of Christmas Past said something about some more ghosts. So where are we going now? Wait a minute! I forgot I hate you! Get out of my room!" Snape yelled.  
"No can do, dummy. I can't leave till I've done my job." Sirius said,  
"Fine, fine! Lets go and get this other with!" Snape jumped out of bed and pulled on a coat.  
Sirius took hold of his arm.  
"Don't touch me." Snape said as the room began to spin.  
:) :) :)

Snape and Sirius were standing in Dumbledore's quarters. He was sadly packing his bags, getting ready for his island vacation.  
"Why are we here?" Snape demanded.  
"This is supposed to show you what you horrible attitude does to people." Sirius told him.  
Snape turned his attention to Dumbledore.  
"Am I supposed to be hearing something or something?" He asked.  
"Oh, yeah." Sirius snapped his fingers and suddenly they could hear Dumbledore's thoughts.  
"God, I can't WAIT to get out of this place! The beach is where I belong, with the water, the girls, and the beach parties! PARRRRTY! I'M GONNA PARRRRTY! YEAH BABY!" Dumbledore started doing a little dance that, to tell the truth, really freaked Snape out.  
"I just wish Severus could be happier. It's Christmas, for goodness sake! If only there was something I could do to make him a happier person!" Dumbledore shook his head sadly.  
"Ya see? People WANT you to be happy! Your Scroogeyness makes everyone else depressed!" Sirius said angrily.  
"That's just Dumbledore, he likes everyone." Snape said.  
"Fine, lets look some where else." Sirius snapped his fingers and they were suddenly in Mcgonagal's room.  
"Listen here." Sirius instructed.  
" It's such a lovely Christmas Eve. I only wish I could go with Albus! I wonder what Severus is doing...If only he would cheer up, he's so depressing! It's so sad that someone could be so unhappy at Christmas!"  
"Now do you get it?" Sirius demanded.  
"I don't care, Minerva is always like that too!" Snape insisted.  
"URRRGGGGG! That's it, you idiot! This better convince you!" Sirius snapped his fingers again.  
This time they were in Harry's room.  
"Oh, this is gonna be good." Snape said, crossing his arms.  
"You shush!" Sirius said.  
"I hope I get lots of stuff! I really want that thing for my Firebolt! That thing is so cool! Hmm, I wonder if Snape gets anything for Christmas. Maybe that's why he's such a Scrooge, because no body cares enough to get him stuff. That's sad. No body should be without material objects on CHRISTMAS! I wish I could get him something, but that would be weird."  
"Now please tell me you see!" Sirius begged.  
"I can't believe Potter thinks that!" Snape said.  
"Yeah, he does. Now lets go back." With a snap! they were back in Snape's room.  
: ) :) :)

"Wow, this has been really weird." Snape said getting back into bed.  
"And it's about to get weirder." Sirius said.  
"Huh?"  
"I want you to have a merry Christmas, too! And I'm your worst enemy!"  
"Wow, that's really nice of you, Sirius!" Snape said, a little shocked.  
"Now come 'ere, buddy!" Sirius dove on him, trying to hug him.  
"No! NOOOO! GET OFF ME YOU FREAK!" Snape screamed.  
With a poof! Sirius disappeared.

END OF CHAPTER 2.

END NOTES: Hmm, shorter and not as funny as the other chapter, but oh well! Please review!


	3. Chapter 3: the ghost of christmas future

A HARRY POTTER CHRISTMAS CAROL.

CHAPTER 3: THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME (I think).

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, reviewers! ) Happy Christmas eve, people!

Once again, Snape had fallen asleep.  
He turned around and opened his eyes. Right next to him, the ghost of Lily Potter was snoring.  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED!?" He screamed.  
"Huh? Whadaya want?" Lily yawned. She blinked at him.  
"W-what are you doing?" Snape cried.  
"Well, I tried to wake you up, but you were sound asleep." Lily explained.  
"So you thought you'd just take a nap, did you?" Snape screamed.  
"Yes, it's a very long trip from Ghost Land to here and I was a bit tired." Lily said.  
"Well, what do you want, then?" Snape demanded.  
"Obviously, I'm the ghost of Christmas yet to come." Lily said.  
"And what do you do?" Snape asked.  
"I show what Christmas will be like if you don't get your act together!" Lily snapped.  
"This should be fun." Snape mumbled.  
"Right, lets go!" Lily didn't give him a chance to react. She just grabbed his arm and the room went away.  
:) :) :)

They were standing out in the street of some wizard place, like Diagon Ally.  
It was snowing and cold. There almost wasn't anyone on the street.  
"What's wrong with this place?" Snape asked.  
"It's Christmas eve in a couple of years, after the war with the Dark Lord."  
"Who one?" Snape asked quickly.  
"He did."  
"What?! How?" Snape cried.  
"Because. Look over there." Lily pointed to a grave yard. A head stone close to the road caught Snape's eye.  
It was his.  
"You see? Because you died, the war ended differently. You were such an important member of the Order that when you died, it all went down hill." Lily said.  
"That's horrible, but what does it have to do with my attitude at Christmas?" Snape asked.  
"You'll see." Lily said. "Come with me."  
Snape followed her to the graveyard, to his grave.  
"You see? If you keep acting like this, your going to die a lonely, mean, and hated person. No one will visit your grave because no one could stand you when you were alive." Lily said.  
Snape starred at his grave. It was the saddest one there because no one had bothered to take care of it.  
He looked up at Lily. "Alright, but what does this have to do with the Dark Lord winning?"  
Lily sighed impatiently. "Duh! Your death caused Voldemort to win the war and you died because of your Scroogeyness!"  
"What?" Snape asked.  
"If you didn't get into the Christmas spirit, so us ghosts had to kill you." Lily said simply.  
"Yeah, sure. Voldemort already said that." Snape said.  
"I'm serious."  
Snape starred at her. "O-OK, I'll be cheery." He said.  
"That's great, Snape! I knew you'd come around!" Lily said happily as they walked back up the street. "And I hope this isn't just because of the death threats and all. Do you really see now how you affect people?"  
"I think I do." He said quietly. "Hey, how could Voldemort win the war when he was the ghost of Christmas past?"  
"Ummmm, that's not important! All that matters is that you became a better person tonight." Lily said quickly.  
"Well, I don't know. I've been like this forever, I think it's to late for me to change." Snape said.  
"No, it's not. All you have to do is get back to Hogwarts for Christmas. It's never too late to change." Lily said.  
"Then lets go back, it's almost midnight!" Snape said.  
Lily snapped her fingers and brought them back.  
:) :) :)

"What is going on out there?!" Ron demanded, opening the portrait hole thing and looking outside. All the students had woken up after hearing someone running up and down the corridor, screaming Christmas carols.  
"It's probably just Peeves." Someone said.  
" OH MY GOD! IT'S SANTA! AAAAAAAAAAA" Someone else screamed.  
"It's not Santa!" Hermione said scornfully.  
"Oh, dear God..." Harry said. He was the Boy Who Lived, so naturally he got a place up front to see what was happening.  
"What is it?" Ginny asked.  
"It's-"  
But Harry didn't get to finish because Snape came running down to hall screaming " FROSTY THE SNOW MAN..." and all the rest of the song lyrics, of course. The author just doesn't really know any Christmas carols all the way.  
He was also throwing toys and candy around.  
:) :) :)  
"Severus, what ARE you doing?!" Dumbledore cried after seeing Snape skipping into the great hall, singing 'joy to the world.'  
"What? I'm just so over come with the Christmas spirit, obviously!" Snape said, as he threw out more hand fulls of candy.  
"But why? You hate Christmas!" Mconagal said.  
"Of course I don't! It's the most wonderful time of the year! I love Christmas, and this is the best Christmas ever!" Snape cried, handing Tiny Tim some toys.  
"Wow! Thanks, Mr. Snape!" Tim said.  
"No, thank the ghosts, for all they did for me!" Snape said.  
"We have no idea what your talking about, but boy are we excited!" Harry said.  
"And so am I! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!" Snape screamed.  
"Pssst! Wrong Christmas story!" Tiny Tim whispered.  
"Really? Then what is the right ending for this one?" Snape asked.  
"I don't know."  
"Well, then, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!"  
THE END!

END NOTES: Well, I hope you guys like that! Merry Christmas:D


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